Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Random feeling

Sometimes I never really liked the feeling of being away from my family and home; I tend to miss a lot of things back there, even simple/random things like my comfy room, my dad's old blue lancer car, the sound of the dogs howling at approximately 2.45am (well, not exactly missing this), the sound of the church bells at 6am, the beautiful Mount Kinabalu that I could stare from afar, my kampung dogs, the cats at my cousins' home next door, the laid-back atmosphere and most importantly just having my family, cousins and close friends around.

I know it would be great if my family are here with me but unfortunately, they are not. I kinda felt as if I've been sent into a stranded place trying my best to make a living. I would be lying if I didn't feel a pinch of disappointment when I missed so many family stuffs when I am not around. I wasn't even there when my best friend gave birth to her first born baby, wasn't even there when the first born turned one, wasn't even there for fun family outings, wasn't even able to visit my uncle who is sick in Tawau, and I wasn't even able to attend family gatherings. There are times when I am home for the holidays, I would feel like I am not needed anymore. Sigh.

Wouldn't it be nice if I can just give up everything here and take a one way flight back to my home for good? But then, I know I couldn't do that at least for now because there are still so many things that I wanted to do and experience, even though I somehow felt that I can't seem to be able to discover new things these days. No idea why. Since I've made the decision to come over here at the first place, I can't give up that fast now can I? And I know sacrifices should be made whether I like it or not. Anyhow, it's not exactly that bad to be here (on the westside), I mean I knew I'd still have to deal with people who are just plain ignorant or know absolutely nothing about Sabah and Sarawak or even people who have no idea if Kadazan or Iban is a race or not. There are also people who would take advantage of you or make fun of you just because you stay across the South China Sea but nevertheless, I have learnt to survive here. No doubt, I'll breakdown and cry at times but that's just something I gotta learn to deal with.

Damn growing up is hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm not breaking down at the moment. This is just something random that's been through my mind lately. Maybe I just miss having family bonding time cos I don't get it here at all :( Which is why I must try to go home as much as I can, if the time and $$ allows lah hehe. I think Oliver misses home more than me kan? His heart is 100 times heavier leaving his wife and 2 little kiddos. I feel you bro!

Like they said, home is where the heart is :) But right now, I am at this age where I should be all Miss Independent and learn the art of surviving with my own earning. I will go back home for good someday, not sure when yet...probably if I have found a potential husband that resides in Sabah, then it is a good option no? Hahaha...just kidding. The time will eventually come, but not right now.

Speaking of growing up, now I have this income tax thing to deal with! I know I should've listened to my collegue cos he's been reminding me to fill in those tax stuffs (which I know nothing about!) since last year but you know me, being all ignorant as if these stuff are not important :P Might need to take a half day leave tomorrow so that I can pay a visit to the Inland Revenue Dept and sort all this out.

Gotta go and do more work now. Check out Hanson's performance of Thinking 'Bout Somethin' on The Late Night Show with Dave Letterman :D I was hoping they'll do the dancing at the end but they didn't. You know, when I was 14 I always thought that I would marry Taylor Hanson in the future. Dream on Vivien. Dream onnnnn....

Watch the making of their latest album here. Taylor on the keyboard ! Oh, Stereophonics in KL Live tonight! I wanna go but money's running low.


Ivan Ho said...

can u ask hanson want to add me in or not?

Vivien Dumpangol said...

hahahaha...can but you have to keep your hair long lah. ken can join wan cos his hair is long oso hahaha...but then, he will not feel secure to join this kind of band one.