Friday, June 17, 2011

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted

This actually took me a while to finally decide to write this post down. I guess I was just trying to figure out how or when exactly should I start but I told myself today that it should be now or never. In case you didn't know, I was back in Penampang two weeks ago not for a holiday but to attend a funeral of my late first cousin, Abang Andrew. It was on Wednesday, June 1st when Merl called me about 10-ish at night and told me about the news. I was in utter shock when I heard about it that I kept asking Merl if it was real. Called my brother and he told me that he was next door with my parents and he confirmed that the  news was true. Then, I received another call from Anne and she too, calmly told me that the news was indeed true.

I didn't exactly know what to do, I think I stood outside the balcony for a while trying to gather all my thoughts and trying to figure out what exactly should I say to Merl or wondering if I should give Audrey a call since she was in KL at that time. Everything just came in a surprise because I would not expect Abang Andrew to go THIS fast. I mean the last time I saw him was during Chinese New Year and at the same time, we even celebrated his 61st birthday together with his granddaughter, Odessa. Everytime I go over and hang out with my cousins next door, he was always there and most of the time he was the first person that I greet before meeting the rest of my cousins. So I was so used to his presence since I was a kid until now...and knowing the fact that he has gone, that just felt so SURREAL.

It was on the same night when I told my mum that I want to go back home because even if I am not great being a 'comforter', I just felt like I should be around my family and help out with whatever I can or just be there for them.  I was actually planning to fly home the next day in the afternoon...but finally decided to go home with the rest of my cousins so I packed my stuffs, called a cab at 3am and went off to KLIA. Met up with Merl, Jay, Drey and Mierah at the airport and we took the earliest flight home. Airfare cost a bomb but that wasn't the important reason not to go home right?

If you were to ask me, losing someone especially your loved ones (i.e family, friends, relatives) is always not easy. What's more when you lose your own family member. I do not know how it feels because I've never experienced it before (touchword) but for my cousins, having to lose their mum back in 1993 and then followed by their dad just 2 weeks ago, that is just way too hard. It got me wonder and questioned God that isn't it a little too harsh to take their dad away when all of them still need the fatherly love? But blaming God will not solve anything and like most people had said, God took away the people that we love so that he/she won't suffer anymore. I guess I could agree on that :)I hope my cousins will always be strong no matter might take some time, months or even years to be able to stand up again but I know they can do it. The fact that my cousins have a really close relationship to each other, I  do think the healing progress will not be that hard. I also hope they will always remember and cherish the happy and sad times that they had with their dad because I think Abang Andrew would love that.

I, too had a fair share memories about Abang Andrew...the night after the funeral all of us were hanging out in Jesse's room and my cousins were reminiscing some of the things that Abang Andrew had done or said. One of the thing that caught my attention was when Anne said that he has always been thankful for whatever things he can have be it big or small. I also know that Abang Andrew is a very 'welcoming' person. He loves having company in his house, which explains why a lot of my cousins' friends are always comfortable with his presence. Same goes to me as well.

The next time when I go next door, I won't be able to greet him 'Hi' anymore. I would definitely miss that. May you rest in peace Abang Andrew. Hope you're doing well up there.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.  ~Kahlil Gibran


Ivan Ho said...

extremely touching until i cannot express how i feel.

Ivan Ho said...

I like the option of now or never.
I like the way u be there without consideration.
I like the way u put in the feelings.
I like the way u end the post with unfinished emotion.

merl said...

I will forever love and miss you daddy. Rest in Peace.

Vivien Dumpangol said...

ivan: thank you! didn't know this post would be very touching hehe~ just writing it down from my head.

merl: we will always miss him :D he's watching all you you guys from up there.