Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Faith

These words were spoken from the priest in the beginning of Mass two weeks ago. Funny how simple words like this could almost made me cry and at the same time gave me a certain impact when I heard it straight from the priest's mouth. The thing is, I've never really relate these two things cos most of the time I only focused on having faith in God. I know, took me this long to figure it out heh. I gave a thought after hearing the words, trying to see how God, faith and myself are basically related with each other. I know I've always have my faith in God, I don't doubt his presence and I don't doubt the things that He can do for me. Even when things doesn't go my way, I know he's up there watching over me. 

Now the question is do I have faith in myself as much as I have in God? The answer is probably no and that's my problem right there. I've written about my low self esteem issue so many times here and I always tend to feel like I am not good or capable in everything I do. But I don't really wanna go into this again because I am tired of even thinking of this. Maybe...I do have a little faith in me but I guess it wasn't enough and that is why I felt like there are still so many closed doors right in front of me. Sometimes I think that my very own friends have better faith in me than I do, you know. I remembered when my cousin Anne asked me to become the godmother of her second daughter Odessa, I was pretty surprised and I didn't really think I am good enough to be someone important to her daughter. From what I've been told, the role of being a godmother is to 'nurture' my god-daughter to be a good Christian and basically just to guide her to be a good person in the future. That seems kinda though seeing that I am not exactly this mother-ly figure type but I dunno, I suppose Anne does see something in me (?) hence the reason why she put her faith on me to be the godmother to Odessa. I've never really asked her why I chosen actually...gotta ask her when I see her again.

So you see my point? God and even my friends can have faith in me but I can't even believe in myself? I just don't know why it can be so hard for me to so and my friends who are always able to believe in themselves, man I salute you guys. But I am thankful though that I was there attending the mass at that time...kinda gave me another reminder again and also helped me to think through on the words that the priest had said. I figured it out now...albiet a little late haha. God believes in us which is why we can always leave it to God to do the work, as long as we have faith in Him. But from what I see, God somehow wanted to work together with us too, in order to have more doors open for us and that's where having faith in yourself comes in. It's like a win-win situation kinda thing. If we believe we can do it, no matter what the result is gonna be then it wouldn't be hard for God to shower his blessings on us right? Finally got the words figure it out heh.

Sorry if this post seems like I am trying to preach to you or something. I can assure you I am not but just trying to  pour out some things that I've been keeping inside. Just recently I had this interview in the  Church parish for a post in becoming a Sunday school teacher. If you're asking me what made me decide to teach Sunday school, well...I am not sure really. I've given a thought for quite sometime and I was thinking all the possibilities that I can offer if I were given the chance to teach. So I decided to give it a go. But I realised that I didn't put enough faith in myself that when I went for the interview, I was sort of 'bombarded' with a lot of questions and it totally made me lose all my self confidence in a split second. Didn't know it could be that hard when all I wanted to do was to teach kids. I guess if I did put a little more faith in myself, the result will be different. But then, maybe the interviewer was right. I might have to be equipped with a lot more things first before I am capable to handle the kids in Sunday school. Of course I want to learn to believe in myself more...I mean everyone should. But sometimes, it can be hard for me, like I can be all 'Yes! Imma believe in myself from now on!" But then tomorrow things might not be on the right track again. That's why all these constant reminders are important to me. I have a birthday card that was given from my friend on my last birthday. His one wish for me was also, to believe in myself more. I thought that was the nicest thing someone has written in a card for me haha. Well, I'll try my best...though I can't assure you if I can fully believe in myself yet. But I gotta remember to work together with God in this.

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